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12 August 2016 @ 08:41 pm

It's been ages.


Not years, decades, nor centuries. But ages.

I don't know how to start this post. Lots of things happened and those have been a rollercoaster. And now I'm where I am now, at this point, at this time.

And looking back, pretty things have become ugly.

Opening this... journal has been scary. Memories, thoughts, the past. My past. The time I want to leave behind. The period I don't even remember existed.

And a very special someone and dear to my heart who seemed wants to know all about me.

And here is the only place left for him to visit and reach that stage.

The scary thought is: I want him to know.

But my past isn't something beautiful and sparkly and flowery.

He said he might get hurt.

I understand.

Even I got hurt.

13 September 2014 @ 12:45 pm
so, long time no see. and this time it's that time of the year.

my new phase of life would be marked by these words: "you're kind, but there seem to be something that keeps you from being close with others."


this something might be, was, is "getting too close to someone and ended up being hurt."


"getting close to someone whom I felt like this person also feels the same for me but it didn't turn out that way and my feelings. got denied."



(happy birthday, self. hang in there like you've been for 21 years)

excuse me for not being able to be close and kind at the same time.
18 May 2014 @ 09:57 pm

I thought I was the type who has total control of my feelings, like, giving commands to feel this and not to feel that. Well, never have I ever been so wrong.


Karma bites, and it bites hard.


And what makes me more despicable is that I am afraid of loneliness and have no trouble taking anyone's hand just to ease the hard feelings. While deep inside I keep a wishful thinking--yearning, even--for someone I know wouldn't return my whatever-feelings I carry.


Stupid mind, stop thinking you are in love. Stop me from being in love.